Speeding Ticket

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.

Naturally, he pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me,

"What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop. "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop said, "What?.... A rectum stretcher?

What does a rectum stretcher DO?"

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers then three, then four, then my whole hand.

Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."

The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge"

Bail: $100

Ticket: $95

Look on cop's face: Priceless